Quotes!

Some of my favorite quotes from Psych!! (Only a few shows)

Juliet O'Hara: Detective Lassiter is literally on fire today.
Shawn Spencer: "Literally on fire" as in Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial, or as in a misuse of the word "literally?"

***

Shawn Spencer: [to his attacker, after jumping to his feet from his back] Dude, did you see what I just did?

***

Shawn Spencer: [taking Abigail on a tour of the Police Station] This is my "I Told You So" room, where I like to gloat after a completely wild accusation turns out to be spot on. That's my "Oops" corner, where I apologize to people for being arrested after a completely wild accusation turns out to be just that. Over there is where you get gum. Free gum.

***

Shawn Spencer: You know you can say anything to me, Gus. We've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

Burton 'Gus' Guster: I have a secret girlfriend. 
Shawn Spencer: You're dead to me.

***

Shawn Spencer: Dude, this is me. I am your partner and your best friend and we are not supposed to keep secrets from each other. 
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I know Shawn, but it's complicated. 
Shawn Spencer: No, math is complicated. The show 'It's Complicated' was complicated. The song 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne... ironically not, not very complicated and you know what? Neither is this.

later in episode... 

Shawn Spencer: Correction, I have to tell the police. You have to crawl back under your keeping-secrets-from-your-best-friend rock and apply for permanent residency... 
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn... 
Shawn Spencer: -where you can vote, and pay your taxes, and make little back-stabbing rock babies.

***

Burton 'Gus' Guster: You can't re-review something, Shawn, it's redundant. Like re-repeat or re-reflect. 
Shawn Spencer: You can if you've already peated and flected twice.

***

Shawn Spencer: Jules. Would you tell Gus it's normal for friends to discuss when they'd like to be eaten in the event of a tragic "Alive"-esque scenario? 
Juliet O'Hara: Ew! 
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Thank you. 
Carlton Lassiter: Believe it or not, I'm with Spencer on this one. I would eat the three of you in the following order: O'Hara, Guster, then Spencer. I've also made a list of whose organs I'd prefer in the event I need a transplant, and, I've planned for the contingency where I'm the last man on earth and I need to choose one person from the department with whom to procreate. 
[Everyone walks away] 
Carlton Lassiter: Well don't worry, none of you made the list!

***

Gus: [after Shawn locks the Spellmaster out of the building while he's smoking] You can't do that to him! 
Shawn Spencer: Gus, he has to learn some time that smoking is bad for him.

***

Gus: [In front of someone that runs the spelling bee] Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have for the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the Bee. I'm sorry, ma'am; I do apologize for his inappropriate virulence. 
Shawn Spencer: Why are you using all these big ass words all the sudden? 
Gus: I'm not doing that. That's preposterous.

And the best one??

Shawn Spencer: Excuse me, you're in my seat.
Juliet O'Hara: Am I? 
Shawn Spencer: Actually, yes, you are. 
Juliet O'Hara: Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, and eat the same food every day? 
Shawn Spencer: Uh, no... no no. I was sitting right there three minutes ago, and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered a juice, and... look, I made a crawling snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you're up to the job.
Juliet O'Hara: I'm sorry, you want me to move?
Shawn Spencer: Not anymore. so whats up?
Juliet O'Hara: I don't have time to talk.
Shawn Spencer: but you haven't heard what I was going to say.
Julie O'Hara: See, now we've already talked more than I wanted to.
Shawn Spencer: Well I did give you my seat you know, I think that gets me one question.
Juliet O'Hara: listen, diner guy-
Shawn Spencer: Shawn.
Juliet O'Hara: Shawn, flattered really, very often I am happy to meet new people, but today? right here right now, I cant.
Shawn Spencer: I understand, I do.

Shawn Spencer: What if I do the talking for both of us? 

Juliet O'Hara: Have at it! Do you mind if I read the paper and stare aimlessly out the window while you two talk? 
Shawn Spencer: [laughs] No. Can I get a name to work with? 
Juliet O'Hara: Juliet. 
Shawn Spencer: Well, it's very nice to meet you, Juliet. 
Shawn Spencer: [high-pitched voice] It's nice to meet you too, Shawn, and I'm sorry about your seat, so lunch is on me. So what do you do for a living? 
Shawn Spencer: [own voice] Oh, I do a little bit of everything. 
Shawn Spencer: [high-pitched voice] Oh, that sounds interesting, and maybe a little bit dangerous. Ooh, I like your jacket! I like it a... 
Juliet O'Hara: Okay, can I stop you there? First off, in your portrayal of me, I sound like I'm in eighth grade. 
Shawn Spencer: Well, in my portrayal of you, you only have an eighth grade education. 
Juliet O'Hara: [laughs] Ha. 
Shawn Spencer: All right, I'll smarten you up. Uh... college, yeah? Top of your class, graduated early? Got it. 
Shawn Spencer: [mature female voice] I'm new to town and I don't know many people. 
[Shawn Vision of cat hairs on Juliet's shoe] 
Shawn Spencer: [mature female voice] But I do know my cats. Two of them. The gray one's very affectionate. The white one makes me work much, much harder for the attention. 
Shawn Spencer: [own voice] And what about your family? 
[Shawn Vision of family photo in Juliet's purse] 
Shawn Spencer: [mature female voice] My family's amazing. My parents have been together for... what is it, thirty years now? 
Juliet O'Hara: [startled] Okay... do we know each other? 
Shawn Spencer: Yes. You're the girl who stole my seat.

Haha!

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